Thanksgiving Poetry

I went to a friends house for thanksgiving, and there was a contest happening. The contest was bad poetry. Here are the competitors:

My only goal so far
has been
to drink,
smoke,
and die.
Of course I need to earn a
little money along the way
to support this.
But hopefully I die
before my limited charm runs out,
and I have to start supporting myself
on a real work ethic,
or talent,
or
__

Haiku #1
Autumn lids falling
red faced man has no feather
yes, he is drinking
__

Little have I thought about it
the shine of my shoes and the
wine in my booze
yet here I am
drunk at my catering job
__

67
the number means nothing
yet it remains a state of mind
sixty seven is the way I think
...
about you
__

Invention
Give me all your pants
and I will patent
a pant tent
__

give me freedom of give me death
if I can't wake up up behind your deaf
maybe I'll get in trouble in your arms
fuck your garoulous ways
dirty can't take you down I sin
i'm gonna love you till the wheels die
and splinter fuckme
fuck me
funj me

I think I'm gonna die
if you don't mind
anyone hungry
__

m
crawling among the orange and brown worms
moths and grounded here
an open coffin
a wooden cave
my babysitter is on top of me
asleep like the silent TV
ablaze in my adolescent glasses
I think I just peed my pants
__

the end

the essence of creativity
trapped in a metal box
juicy with the thought
and too often stroked
chaffed pages pulled from their birth
ambilical chords cut too soon
go make a baby while you can
and let it drip
away to anonymity go you
__

the title is up to you

homeless girls and drinken mothers
make for a good thinkgsgiving
someone started their apartment on fire
cooking their goose
my soul is ablezened my bottle is empty
because I'm tacky, afloat
who are the crazy fools
holding scooby doo's left paw in the rain
I wonder who's behind that umbrella
Is it you? God, I wish I had
a pocket full of change for good
only briefly
and only as far as
the entryway
__

living in america means we can
waste trees, iraquis
make me a daquiris
and feed it to my plastic baby
get dolled up for your own sake
and drink to the morning just to prove
you can drink sake like a chinaman
and dance in your window mirror
god we look good in our inebreation
get here soon
__

infectious huh? your think that's the only thing that infects???
what 'bout them teeth baby? them teeth infect with every dirty smile
your dirty smile haunts me in my sleep
when I wake I awake to your dorito whiskey breath
damn baby
can't you find a dentist
__

The Giver

Santa Claus does it
once a year he comes
But when I ask
"give it to me"
He always takes off his pants
never his shoes
__

black like the night
rifling through my pack
where is my black tar?
where is my corner bar?
gone like the freedom
of fries
I'm stuck in sand
quickly I run to escape
the night of your command
darkness prevails
__

bellies full
like ripe melons.
some big, some small
all ready to burst.
head warm from wine
and chest clouded with smoke.
the beer adds to my discomfort
as much as the conversation.
lonely waeather
lonely holiday
lonely silence
__

ScabEater

sea beater, bottum feeder
coconut bras with the pride of penn inside
festering pustuals of sugar
hints of last supper
the inderlying current of urinal cake
stupid niggers, I believe 'em
who doesn't
hate, murder, flotsam
write whatever you want about me
I've never slept with my cousin
the crotch hole is expanding
where the rhubarb does go
damn the headache I will feel tommorow
on my backside with a pencil
pressed against my forehead
drinking half of a wooden chalice
the rest ater the hour of noon
I've got an exchange Japanese turkey cooking
retrun to naked boobie porn flick
bags of guts, I can't be next
don't jump the gun
drinking games where no one wins
It's nineteen eighty four bitches, soak it in
high, like the mountains or
deep, like the canyons
I'm on the list
Iron bars lock me in place
petals next to the whiskey bottle
__

hooray for the holidays!